


Seahorses

by Sapphos_Ghost



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-20 00:38:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9467636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphos_Ghost/pseuds/Sapphos_Ghost
Summary: Allie Novak is drawn to Bea the second she lays eyes on her. She knows right at that moment that there is something special about the top dog. And she would love to find out what it is.Wentworth from Allie's POV





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, just wanted to say thanks for reading my newest fanfiction. I recently discovered Wentworth and was sad that there wasn't more fanfiction for Ballie. So here's Wentworth through Allie's eyes. 
> 
> Eventual Ballie
> 
> I don't own any of the characters, or storylines. 
> 
> Ellenvan

The second I saw her, I knew Bea Smith wasn’t your average woman. She exuded power and held it like a whip in her hand. Queen Bea; that’s what the women called her. All I knew is that I was instantly attracted to her, and wanted to see if Queen Bea was all of who Bea was, or if it was a facade. Her cheekbones were beautiful and prominent and she had a strong jaw, with a slightly uneven smile. The smile only peeked through when she was with her friends in H1. Otherwise, she had a tough no nonsense way about her, and I knew I was smitten. 

Kaz hated her with every fibre of her being. She’d innoculated me and the girls against Bea, told us that she was the reason we were behind bars. I didn’t really care; I knew eventually we’d be caught. Kaz wasn’t exactly hard to pick out of a crowd, with her fanatical beliefs. I wanted to believe everything Kaz told me. I wanted to stand at her side, and face the fray together. But something inside me niggled about, uncomfortable with the idea that Bea Smith would lag on anyone. 

 

Sure, I was Kaz’s right hand, and I’d do anything for the woman. She was like my mother. She’d been there when I’ve fallen and has picked me up so many times I’ve lost count. I was a drug addicted prostitute when she found me, and saved me from a vicious attack by my pimp. She took me into her home, and nursed me back to health, day after day dealing with my shit. She even helped me find all the johns that hurt me over the years, and helped me beat each and every one, doling out punishment like avenging angels. I owe her my life, many times over. So I will stand by her side, even though I think she is wrong about Bea. Because I love Kaz. But that didn’t stop my doubts. 

Kaz had this crazy idea that there was no need for a top dog. “Things are meant to be equal, even in prison. Everyone deserves to have their own say about what happens to them. Rules and regulations that are set down for a top dog are outdated and ridiculous. If we topple Bea, everyone will be able to decide their fates by themselves. Right now she’s a fear mongerer.” I didn’t really agree with Kaz. Obviously there was a need for a top dog. We’d seen that first hand when we had come to Wentworth after the fire, and Bea was not there. 

We spent a couple of months at the prison without H1, and things were crazy and hectic. Without the top dog, things were left to fall by the wayside. Drugs were everywhere, and just about everyone was either doing them, or selling them. Thankfully Kaz kept me close by, so I couldn’t be tempted by the drugs. Women were raped, and assaulted. Fights broke out almost daily. I knew that this is why we needed a top dog, to stop things from escalating to this level. And from the stories the girls provided me with, Bea was a formidable top dog. She was stern, and almost motherly in her approach, a stark contrast to the previous two top dogs, if rumors were true. She had a strict no drugs policy. When she came back to Wentworth, it’s was like a cool breeze suddenly appeared on a scorching hot day. Fights petered out, the drugs were hidden and less accessible, and the assaults and rapes all but stopped. A top dog was a needed thing; maybe a bit too powerful, but definitely needed. 

The other girls in H3 were right there with Kaz, spreading the word of the need to topple Bea, and be equal. Most prisoners laughed us off, for they knew what I knew; Queen Bea was needed. But some, mostly those who wanted to make money by dealing drugs, listened and agreed with Kaz. I stood amongst my crew, knowing that I too should be spreading the word. However, it felt wrong, so I just supported the others. Of course Kaz noticed, but she never confronted me about why I didn’t join in. Maybe somehow she knew that I didn’t agree. That woman had a strange way of knowing me more than I knew myself. However, I did keep my feelings toward the above average Bea Smith to myself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments! I'll keep trying to pull out a chapter a day! 
> 
> Ellenvan

Chapter 2 

My first opportunity to speak with Bea came from Kaz herself. She told me to go to H1 and summon Bea to speak with her. I didn’t think Bea was going to agree, but I went along with the plan, shaking with anticipation of speaking to Bea for the first time. I know that I am walking into “enemy” territory, but I can’t help feeling excited to be closer to the above average woman who ruled this prison. 

Bea’s crew were sitting around the table. I knew them from reputation alone. I knew that Bea’s right hand was a transgender woman named Maxine, who was kind, but very strong. I knew that the large woman was Boomer, who had been the previous top dog’s right hand. She almost stood up as I walked into the room, as if she wanted to protect her little crew. Next to her was Liz, who I knew as a lagger, but a kind soul. And lastly, there was Doreen with her little baby. I didn’t know much about Doreen, but something about her rubbed me the wrong way. 

I clear my throat and feel all eyes on me, but I just connect eyes with Bea, falling into the depths of her dark brown eyes. “I’m Allie Novak.” They all continue to look at me, and I finally tear myself away from Bea’s gaze and clear my throat once more. “Uh, Kaz wants to see ya.” The groups of ladies laughed, and I got to see a slight smile on Bea’s hard face. 

Maxine answered for her, in her slightly deep voice. “Bea doesn’t see anyone luv. If Kaz wants to meet, she comes to Bea, okay?” I nod, knowing this is what was going to happen. Kaz probably knew as well. 

“Okay sure.” I say, nodding my head, avoiding those deep dark brown eyes as best as I could. “When and where?” 

Finally Bea speaks, and I meet her eyes once more, as if my eyes cannot help but connect with hers. “Laundry, at the changeover.” I nod, and walk out of H1, feeling all eyes on my back. 

What was it about Bea that got me so worked up? She was handsome, in a pretty sort of way. Her red hair was faded now, and brown was showing through. She looked tired. Her eyes had showed me that exhaustion for a brief second, and it burrowed into my skin. Was she lonely too? 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Our crew gets there before Bea does, because Kaz wanted it that way. She posts our crew around the room, getting ready to cover and move cameras for the meeting. I see Tanja hand some money to Smiles, and she leaves just before Bea walks in. 

Bea is flanked by Boomer and Maxine, and has her hand behind her back. I can only assume she thinks this will be an ambush of some kind. I don’t blame her; we are on her turf. Kaz steps forward, her hand behind her back, and my stomach gets tight. This could go bad really quickly. I didn’t want to have to fight period, let alone against Bea and her crew. But when Kaz shows what is behind her back, Boomer and Maxine relax. “Welcome home Bea.” She holds a bottle of cognac, and goes to pass it to Bea. Maxine steps forward to take the bottle, and Kaz pulls it back. She basically spits out her next sentence, glaring at Maxine. “Not for you..mate!” I see Maxine flinch a little at the insult, and Boomer nudges Bea, obviously wanting the cognac. “Now I was pissed off at you. I thought you had betrayed everything we stood for. But I’ve come to understand how dehumanizing this place can be and you’re as much a victim of it as any of us.” 

Bea shakes her head, her curly hair bouncing. “I told you before Kaz, I’m no victim” I can sense a tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. I take a deep breath, hoping that this can go better than it seems to be going. 

Kaz smiles a dangerous smile, her eyes trained on Bea. “Neither am I! Fuck being a victim!” Her eyes take on a more dangerous look, and I shiver. “I want to be your friend Bea.” She goes to hand Bea the bottle, but pulls her in, and whispers something into Bea’s ear. I see Maxine tense, and I tense up too, ready to fight for Kaz if it came down to it. But as suddenly as the tension built, it defuses when Kaz let’s go of the bottle. “Welcome home!” She starts to clap, and the crew joins in. Kaz smiles at me, and dances in a circle, her eyes determined and proud.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: 

We all gather into the library with the rest of H block. We’ve been told to report here to hear an annoucement from the nurse. Bea and her crew are leaning against the wall. I catch myself staring at Bea, wishing that I could get close to her again. I wince a little when I notice that Maxine is watching me, even though she gives me a little smile. 

The nurse comes in, and I can’t help but think this woman is a bitch. She seems to stick her nose up at us and thinks she is somehow superior to us. Fuck that. “The contraception education program starts today. It’s voluntary.” I hear a couple of murmurings from Bea’s crew, but I can’t hear what they’re saying even though I’m struggling to hear. Then, I hear Kaz, and she nudges me, so I snap to attention, ready to be her right hand. 

“It says here Ms. Radcliffe that you wanna put us on the pill.” The nurse smirks, and shakes her head. 

“The program is to educate women about unwanted pregnancies on release.”The Nurse explains, and I look to Kaz, and see that she’s all fired up. 

“You can’t force us!” She looks around at the group of women behind her. It not only includes our crew, but also some women from H2. 

THe nurse sighs, and shakes her head. “It’s voluntary.” 

Kaz turns around, arms raised, and repeats her sentence. “They can’t force us” The women cheer and murmurs of agreement are heard throughout the crowd. 

The nurse is really pissed off now, and says very slowly. “It’s vol-un-tary.” 

“What are you trying to pull here?” Kaz asks, playing to her crowd of listening women. 

“I’m just the messenger, if you stop carrying on, I’ll explain the program to you.” 

Kaz scoffs, her eyes narrowed. “What’s to explain? This is chemical control!” Murmurs of agreement rippled through the crowd. “That’s what this is!” The crowd gets all worked up, and I sigh, worrying about where this is going. Once Kaz gets fixated on something, she really gets fixated and puts her considerable passion behind it. Thankfully, Mr. Jackson walks in, and I let out a sigh of relief. 

“All right, all right, everyone calm down please.” He looks around, his eyes landing on Bea. “What’s the problem here ladies?” Kaz scoffs as he enters, and I know she has a strong dislike of Mr. Jackson. 

“We control our bodies, not you!” Kaz all but screams. Again, the women around us murmur agreement. Kaz really knows how to work these women up. She’s done it to me before, when I was a new recruit. Now it seems like she repeats herself often. 

Mr Jackson shakes his head, and raises his voice, finally locking eyes with Kaz. “It’s voluntary Proctor!” The nurse sighs loudly, and turns towards Mr Jackson, her face impatient and frustrated. 

“That’s what I’ve been telling her!” She all but shouts. I chuckle to myself a little, thoroughly enjoying the scene before me. Kaz has whipped up all the women, except for the H1 crew, who are all looking at Bea, as if she holds the answers. Maybe she does. Her face is poker straight, and she briefly catches my eye and then quickly looks away. If I could get away with it, I’d stare at her face all day long. She may think that’s a little weird though, so I drag my eyes away, back to Kaz. 

Kaz all but spits out, “That’s bullshit!” and the women get even more worked up. Mr Jackson looks non-plussed, and the nurse just looks pissed. 

Mr Jackson looks at Kaz. “You can choose not to participate.” 

Kaz laughs, raising her arms in the air. “And that’s what we’re doing. All of us. Come on girls, let’s go!” I stand up and begin to follow Kaz out, our elbows brushing. Just as we’re walking past Bea, she steps in front of Kaz, flanking Mr. Jackson. 

“Hold on. That’s not really your choice to make is it Kaz? I’m sure all the women here can make up their own minds.” She looks around at her crew, and the other women in the room. “Yeah?”I want to nod along with the crowd, but my loyalty to Kaz stills my reflex. 

I know Kaz can’t say anything outright to the top dog. That would be undermining her authority. So instead, Kaz turns to Mr. Jackson, a smug smirk on her face. “Why are you so keen to get us on the pill Mr. Jackson? Is there a prisoner here you’d like to fuck and not get pregnant?” As she says this, she looks pointedly as Bea. 

Is Bea involved with Mr. Jackson? I’ve been wondering myself ever since Kaz pointed it out earlier. He does seem different with her. But that may be because of her top dog status. The look on Bea’s face could kill, and she seems to want to defend Mr. Jackson. 

He intercedes, his face angry and agitated. “That’s enough Proctor!” I pull on Kaz’s sleeve; my way of telling her she’s gone too far, and she nods. When we leave the room, I notice that only about a quarter of the ladies we had on our side have stayed with us. Bea clearly said something to cause the women to question Kaz. 

When we get back to our block, I pull Kaz aside. “What was that Kaz? You nearly got slotted. You know better than to say something like that to a prison guard.” She nods angrily, glaring at me despite her agreement. 

“There’s got to be something going on between the two of them. Just look at how she was going to jump in to save “poor” Mr. Jackson.” She scoffs again, running her hands through her hair. I lay a hand on her shoulder, and give it a squeeze. 

“Lay low for a while Kaz. We’ll keep watching them and see if we have any evidence. If we can find something, then we can use it to our advantage. If not, at least we tried.” Kaz finally nods, and walks into her cell, closing the door. That’s my signal to leave her alone. 

I can’t help letting my mind go back to Bea though. How stoic and dispassionate she had been until Kaz tried to use her power to sway the other women. Bea had called for everyone to make their own choice. She had stood up for the women in a way that Kaz couldn’t; and in doing so, also undermined Kaz’s reputation with the women. Well played Queen Bea; well played.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all your kudos and comments! I promise to keep writing and trying to publish once a day. Happy reading! 
> 
> ellenvan

Chapter 4 

The comissary yard is full when Bea strolls in and takes a seat on one of the benches. I can almost sense her eyes on me. Or is that just in my head? Probably just in my head. 

Suddenly, a prisoner, who I think is named Chang freaks out and pulls away from the guards and climbs the barbed wire fence. I wince as the women around me catcall and provoke Chang. I know by now her elbows, knees and face will be mangled and torn. I have my own scars from barbed wire, and I know the sharp gouges it leaves behind. My stomach heaves as they finally get her down, and I can see all her injuries. She’s definitely off her head on something to be willing to inflict that pain on herself. 

\--------------------------------------------------

Kaz calls us together, knowing shit is about to go down. Tanja went into the bathroom, and discovered Bea in there with Tina; who we all know is the woman who is dealing in the prison (or at least one of the women). We race to the bathroom, and I’m first in the room, with the crew fanning out behind me.Bea looks stoic and frosty once more, and I can’t help feeling a tiny shiver of attraction at her stern demeanor. Once Kaz has filed into the bathroom, Bea signals Maxine to beat the shit out of Tina. My weak stomach again heaves as I watch Maxine bash Tina’s head against the sink, and kicks her in the stomach multiple times. I glance around at the crew, and we all looked shocked, except Kaz. 

My stomach turns as I watch what I know to be a very strong transgender woman beat up a woman half her size, and for the first time, I’m angry at Bea. I understand that she wanted to keep drugs out of the prison and she needed to assert her power. I’m just not a fan of violence of any kind. Gives me flashbacks to the days on the streets when I was the punching bag. I meet Bea’s eyes as she looks around, and shake my head; the attraction I felt for Bea’s stern demeanor fade as blood pools on the bathroom floor. 

I turn around as I hear the door open, and notice that Kaz is leaving the bathroom. There is nothing more that I would like to do then leave this bloody mess behind me, so I follow her. 

The crew and I follow Kaz back to outside and sit down at a table. she turns around, a look of anger evident on her face. “You still think she’s a hero? You think that little show that her and her male thug just put on in there had any other purpose than to instill terror in us? Bea Smith; the great protector and savior, champion of the oppressed...top dog. The abused is now the abuser.” I can’t help but agree as I see the image of Tina on the floor covered in blood. 

\----------------------------------------------------------

I can barely stomach the food that’s before me, as I stare at Bea. She seems to unflappable in the face of what just was a violent beating. She’s even smiling and joking with her crew. I shake my head, but continue to stare, wondering if any part of her feels bad for what happened in the bathroom. Suddenly she meets my eye, and my stomach flutters again at her dark gaze. What power does this woman have over me? 

I turn to Kaz, who is staring at me. I know she caught me looking at Bea. I smirk at her. “You got to admit, she’s pretty impressive.” The look of disbelief on her face almost makes me laugh. 

“Are you serious?” Kaz glares at me, and then at Bea. As if knowing that I want to jump Bea’s bones. 

“What? You thought she was shit hot too!” 

She softens her glare, and places a hand on my arm. “Bubba, that was before she used us and she shooped us. SHe’s the only reason we’re in this place.” I nod a bit, chewing my lower lip. Kaz did have a point. “And she’s obviously fucking Jackson.” 

My eyebrows furrow as I stare at Bea once more. Something about her makes me think that the rumor is just a rumor and nothing more. “You think?” I trust Kaz’s opinion, and I resign myself to being dissapointed that Bea doesn’t play for my team.

“Her, Jackson Vera, all in it together. We just need to take ‘em down a peg or two.” 

I chew my lip again as I think of Bea with Jackson. The thought of it curdles my stomach, and I push the food away. All I can imagine is them fucking in her cell. His hands on her. I can’t scrub the image from my mind. 

Kaz is having a meeting with the crew, and she nudges me to get me to pay attention. Obviously she has something planned. I have seen girls filling up cups of ketchup, and remember Kaz saying something about dirty tampons. “Okay girls, there’s going to be media here today talking about all of “the governor’s” new programs. One of which is the new “Contraceptive Education Program”. I have an idea to create chaos and make a point. You all with me?” We all nod, knowing that Kaz’s plan will be brilliant. They usually are.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut ahead. You have been warned. :P

Chapter 5 

I walk to the shower block a little wary. I know that there are women in this prison who prey on other women, especially in the shower block. My fears are lifted though once I get to the bathroom, and see Doreen and Bea chatting. Bea’s in the shower and all I can think of is her glistening wet body. I wonder what it looks like. I’ve been wondering since I first laid eyes on her. Curvy and soft. But strong. There’s a little banter between Doreen and Bea, before Doreen leaves. 

Then, I get the answer to my question as Bea leaves her shower curtain open, and I get a glimpse of her beautiful body. My panties are instantly wet, and I shuck them off as I watch Bea soap herself. All I want to do is touch myself, but I am afraid I’ll be caught. No, that’s a lie, all I want to do is go into the shower with her and touch that beautiful body. Her ass looked so touchable, and I wanted to wrap my arms around that waist and cup the beautiful breasts I knew were there. 

Suddenly, she turned around and saw me staring, and I give her a smirk. She closes the curtain all the way, and the vision before me is shattered. I have the image of her in my head though, so I smirk at her again once I get into the shower stall. 

I give a gasp as I hear the shower curtain thrown aside. Of course it’s Bea standing there, with a towel wrapped around that beautiful body of hers. “What the fuck are you looking at? Do you have a problem with me?” I stutter a bit, suddenly feeling very intimidated. 

“No, just a bit disappointed. I always thought that you did you own dirty work.” Then, with every fibre of my being, I make myself turn around away, from the image that was Bea wrapped in a towel. The towel left little to the imagination. 

Suddenly, my head hits the wall, and I feel Bea’s body pressed up against mine. Her sweet breath tickles my ear. “DO you want me to bash you? Is that what you want?” I could feel her firm breasts pressing against my back, and I felt myself grow wetter. I knew she was now naked and pressing me up against the wall. The blow from the wall stunned me a bit, but even the pain was getting me off. 

“Is this getting you wet?” Bea pulls away, and I turn around, seeing her in all her beauty. She has a toned, curvy body, and nice perky breasts. I linger on them for a moment, and then look down at the curl of brown hair between her legs. I have a very strong urge to go down on her, so I follow my instincts and kneel down, smelling her intoxicating scent. 

Just as suddenly as she pushed me against the wall, she pushes away from me. “What the fuck??” I spooked her. She starts to back up, but before leaving, she gives me a once over, and I know she’s interested in what she sees. Then, she’s gone, and I’m left with the images of Bea’s body in my head. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Kaz’s plan in magical. We soak tampons in tomato sauce and throw them at the media. It’s hilarious and quick to get a reaction, as most of the media believe them to be soaked in period blood.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

I follow Kaz into the bathroom, and stop short when we see Maxine standing at the sink. I know Kaz’s view on Maxine, and I can’t help feeling intimidated by her buff body. Men have always been scary to me, and since Maxine’s body is very much like a man’s, she intimidates me. 

Kaz steps forward, sneering at Maxine. “You’re in the wrong place.” Maxine turns around and I want to wince at the slight pain in her eyes. I know her to be a good person, but my fear gets the best of me, and I smile at her pain. 

“Give it a rest Kaz.” Maxine seems to shrink a little, and rolls her eyes at Kaz in the mirror. The pain I saw earlier is still there, but so is a sense of exhaustion. Maybe she’s tired of always being trashed about her gender. 

Kaz pushes further, and I decide to join in, rankled by my discomfort around this woman. “Shouldn’t you have stayed in the men’s prison?” Kaz sneers once again at Maxine. 

“Yeah, blokes, the Red Right Hand, not perfect together.” I chime in, already feeling guilty for my part in the teasing of this transgender woman. 

Suddenly, Bea chimes in. “She said, give it a rest.” Then she comes out of the shower stall, wrapped in a towel in all her sexy glory. I can’t help checking her out. My eyes travel from her long gorgeous legs to the hint of breast showing at the top of her towel. 

“Didn’t think you’d be too far away.” Kaz shrugs at Bea. I stifle a smile, knowing that Bea and Maxine are always together, and must be very close. Part of it is protection, but I know a whole lot of it is a friendship. My eyes linger on Bea and her semi nakedness, and I can’t help myself but stare at the tops of her breasts. 

“And while you’re here, if you want to start something- anything- you run it by me first okay?” Bea has her stern face on, and I find it adorable. 

“Sure, got it Bea.” She waves her toothbrush around at the crew. “Check with the boss.” She smirks at Bea, and turns to the sinks. “Where’s my toothpaste?” 

I hardly pay attention to the conversation that comes after, ‘cause I’m too busy watching Bea’s retreating form, the bottom of her towel just barely covering her ass. Maxine looks back and smirks at me, and I know I’m caught. I just smile at her gently, and continue to watch Bea retreat. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It seems to be a normal lunch at the cafeteria when Bea comes in, and sits down at her table. Then, just a quickly she stands, and raises her hands for quiet. “Okay, listen up ladies. Uh...I’m sorry but the department said no to conjugal visits.” There is a boo echoed across the room, but I shrug. Not like I have anyone to fuck anyway. Kaz scoffs beside me, and I ignore it and glance at Bea again. 

Boomer groans the loudest and all but shouts “Why?” I wonder if she has someone on the outside that she wants to fuck. I know she’ll be in here for another 7 years. 

Bea glances at her apologetically. “I tried my best.”

Boomer continues. “Well, why didn’t Vinegar Tits fight harder for us?” 

Bea scoffs and glances at Kaz. “Maybe she didn’t appreciate being pelted with dirty tampons.”At this the women laugh, remembering the scene as the media and guards scrambled to get away from the tomato sauce soaked tampons. It was quite hilarious. 

Kaz stands up, addressing the women instead of Bea. “Come on seriously. We don’t have to put up with this. If the men at Walford can get conjugal visits, so can we. Some of us might take no for an answer.” She clearly means Bea, and I wince a little at that comment. “But I don’t and I won’t. Hands up, who wants a root?” 

Women all over the cafeteria put their hands up, and cheer for Kaz. I know Kaz has made a bit of a threat against Bea’s leadership, and I worry for her. Kaz is my mum, and I love her. I can’t bear to see her beaten up like Tina was. I force a smile on my face, and my eyes again land on Bea. She glances at me, and our eyes connect and I smile for real. This woman is going to be the death of me. 

All I can think of when I see her is kissing those full lips, and running my hands through that curly hair. I get turned on just looking at her. Kissing her might make me come undone right there and then. 

Kaz nudges me, and throws me out of my not so PG day dream. She whispers in my ear. “Get the phone.” I nod, and the crew all gets up and follows Kaz. I throw one last look over my shoulder at Bea, laughing with her crew. God she’s beautiful. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

After grabbing the phone from under Kaz’s mattress, I make my way to the shower block, towel over my shoulder so no one suspects. I hand the phone to Kaz, and keep guard while she talks to Beth and Jenny. She had another plan up her sleeve. “Yeah, okay. I was thinking tomorrow morning at ten ‘o clock. Can you do that?” There’s a slight pause, and then she says “Good.” She hands the phone to me, whispering at me once more. “Bury it.” I take the phone, sticking it down the back of my pants where it won’t be visible. That’s one perk of these baggy prison clothes. Kaz smiles and does a little dance on the spot. “They’re not going to know what hit ‘em.”


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

Kaz tells the crew the plan the night before it’s to begin, and we all love the idea. I scrawl some words on the women in the morning, slogans like “We want to fuck.” and “Gives us our right to fuck” I don’t write on myself, but I know I won’t be baring my breasts for the news. Enough johns in the city have seen me naked, I’m not going to be some creep’s wank off. 

Kaz looks impatient, and is hugging Sonya close to her, kissing her on the head. “Smiles, you got the time?” She asks Miles. Miles is easily the crookedest screw in here, and will take any bribe for her gambling addiction. Surprised she’s not in here with us. She scoffs at Kaz. 

“Got a pressing appointment Proctor?” Kaz just smiles, and kisses Becky on the cheek. 

“Could say that.” Kaz says nonchalantly. Then she shouts out. “Ready?” We all pull off our sweatshirts and shirts. Some opt to go completely topless. “Let’s do it!” All the women gathered with us cheer, and proudly show off their bodies. I strip to my bra and undies, ready to back up Kaz’s plan. “What do we want!” Kaz chants. 

“The right to fuck!” Replies the group of women. I chant along. 

“When do we want it!?” 

“Now!” 

The chant reverberates and I know now that it’ll continue until we are made to stop chanting. Suddenly, the drone arrives just on time, and we all go nuts for the camera. The chanting grows louder and louder, and I eagerly yell out the words. I know it doesn’t make a difference to me if I get to have a good fuck, cause I don’t have anyone on the outside I am involved with. However, I know that Kaz is really fighting for this, so I throw my whole being into it. 

Smiles isn’t smiling anymore as she shouts at us. “Put your clothes back on!” At this time, I see Bea approaching, following Boomer into the chaotic yard. 

I step closer to them, wanting to hear their conversation. “What the fuck?” Bea looks confused and angry, and again, I worry for Kaz’s safety. She’s really been purposefully stepping on Bea’s toes. I want to wipe the look off Bea’s face, so I smile at her. 

“Come on Bea, you know you wanna!” She glances at me, and I swear she does a once over of my body. Maybe it’s in my head, but I think she remembers what’s under these panties and bra. I certainly remember what’s under all her clothes. 

She just shakes her head, and my attention is caught by the screws approaching, and Jackson shouting at all the women. “That’s enough! Disperse and move inside or you’ll be dragged in.” The women link arms and continue to chant. I link arms with Kaz, and scream the chant at the top of my lungs. 

Suddenly there is a shot, and the drone falls to the ground, broken. There goes Kaz’s plan. All hell breaks loose. I can hear the p.a. System in the background telling us to move inside. Like that’s going to happen. 

I’m grabbed from behind by a screw, who twists my arms behind my back and sneers in my ear. “Stop fighting Novak, or I’ll take you down.” My mind goes blank as I feel his hot foul breath on my earlobe. I start to fight, my mind racing and heart beating quickly. This feels too much like what happened with those johns. I can’t let that happen again. I have to fight. No surrender. 

Just then, I see Kaz’s head hit a metal picnic table with a loud thud, and my world goes white. I see that Jackson had pushed her, and now I struggle to get to Kaz as she lies on the ground. “Get off her!” I yell, feeling pure fury rush through my veins. 

Kaz sits up, and I give a sigh of relief. I’m so glad she’s okay and able to talk clearly. “You fucking pervert! Fucking violent predator!” Jackson backs away from her, and Kaz cheers, which is echoed by the women who are being restrained and forced back into the dorms. 

When we’re all inside, everyone is chattering and some are still half-heartedly chanting. Ashley, one of the crew points at Kaz. “See? And he smashed her!” I rush to Kaz’s side, looking at the wound. 

I want someone, anyone to make sure she’s okay. “Her face is split open. Can we get some attention!? She was just assaulted by a guard.” I sigh, not getting a response from anyone over the noise of the crowd. “Hello?” Finally the Nurse arrives, and pulls Kaz in close to look at the cut. She touches it gently and Kaz all but screams. 

“Ah Fuck!” The nurse continues probing like Kaz didn’t make a sound. Bitch. I reckon he fractured my cheek, the psycho!” The nurse nods a little, thinking to herself. 

“It might be a compression fracture. Come on, come on through.” She leads Kaz through the crowd and I shout after them. 

“Hang in there mama! I love you!” The whole crew echoes me, and she turns and smiles. 

“Love you!” Then she directs a cold smile at Bea. Bea does not look pleased. Surely she won’t bash her after all that just happened to Kaz. Bea’s attack on Tina had been brutal, but I can’t see her bashing someone that’s been injured already. I can only hope.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 

I shuffle along and sigh as I realize I wasn’t quick enough to make the line for the phones. I resign myself to the back of the line, knowing I probably won’t be able to make the call I wanted to make to my ex. Just wanted to connect with someone that loved me at one point. Missing that in my life. I know Kaz loves me in her own way, but I miss love for love’s sake. I’m snapped out of my thoughts as I see Bea approach me. “Hey Allie. Hey, come here! Come on.” I slowly head to the front of the line where Bea is. 

Tina scowls and me and glares at Bea. “Fuck, why?” Bea glares right back at her, brown eyes stern. 

“Does it matter why? Fuck off!” Tina goes, muttering to herself in Tagalog. I notice that Max is standing not too far away from Bea and the phones. She smiles gently at me, and again I feel guilt bubble up in my stomach. Bea laughs, watching Tina leave. “Righto.” She smiles at me conspiratorially. “Hey, Kaz out of medical yet?” 

I nod, so enraptured by her beauty up close, that I nearly forget to reply. “Yeah, yeah, she’s fine. No fracture, just a bruise.” I know I shouldn’t be telling Bea things about Kaz, but I know Bea is top dog, and I respect her for that. 

“Oh that’s good.” Then her now soft brown eyes move up and down my body, settling on my hair. She reaches out and touches a lock of it, causing me to shiver. “Hey, I like the color. I reckon you’d look better lighter.” 

My stomach flip flops and I gulp out a response. “You reckon?” 

Bea smiles, making me insides twist. I love her smile. This one even reached her eyes. “I can do it for you. Give you a cut and color.” I know Bea’s a hairdresser, but I never expected her to offer to cut my hair. 

I smile at Bea, my face lighting up. “All right.” She gives me a crooked smile, and turns away, then passes me the phone. I can’t help but watch her nice ass wiggle as she walks away. I don’t know how, but this woman even makes the prison teals look sexy. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kaz leads us to the cafeteria like always. For someone who hates the top dog, she sure acts like one sometimes. Not that I’d ever say it to her face. I love her too much for that. We get settled in and suddenly the Governor comes into the cafeteria. “I have a brief annoucement.” 

Boomer shouts “You sent the freak to Africa!” and the whole whole bursts into laughter. The Governor then tries to get their attention again, and then Bea stands up and whistles for attention. The room goes automatically quiet. 

“Hear the governor out!” She calls, and I see nods and resignation on the faces of the women, especially Kaz. She’s still seething that her stunt with the drone failed, and didn’t get us “the right to fuck”. 

The Governor clears her throat and continues. “Thank you. After a proposal from Bea Smith.” She gestures to Bea, who nods. “On behalf of the women. I can tell you that on a trial basis, we will be instituting conjugal visits.” I see Kaz put her hands to her head on the table, and know that Bea has outplayed Kaz. I place a hand on Kaz’s back, but she brushes it off. The rest of the women cheer loudly, and chant Bea’s name. I can’t help but smile at Bea, even though she just outmaneuvered my mum.The Governor continues “We are the first women’s prison in the country to do so.” Cheers erupt again, and Vera beckons for quiet. “Okay, there is a proviso suggested by Smith and agreed to by the corrections service. Those of you who wish to participate must also take part in the Contraception and Family planning program.” 

The room again erupts in cheers of Bea’s name. Bea has a smug little smile on her face. “One more thing!” The Governor submits. “I’d like to let you know about. In addition to the other programs I’ve introduced, there is a new one starting: Personal Grooming and Presentation. The, uh, hairdressing component will be run by Bea Smith.” I look at Bea’s face and she looks shocked. Guess this program was news to her too. I meet Bea’s eyes across the cafeteria and raise my eyebrows at her, playing with my hair. I know where and when to get my hair done by Bea. And I know that it will be a wonderful experience. I get tingles just thinking about her hands in my hair. 

I go to her “salon” after the lunch is over. She’s in the room looking frustrated, and glances up at me as I enter. I get a smile out of her, and my stomach flutters. “I’ll have a cut and color please!” She smiles, motioning with her hands. 

“Step in to my Salon…” The haircut is even better than I imagined. I can feel Bea’s hot breath on the back of my neck, and I sigh as I feel her hands through my hair. I want to close my eyes and imagine her doing this with me in private. Maybe I could kiss her then. I doubt it though...she’s not ready yet.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Ferguson “the freak” has been moved into our unit. I am apprehensive about it, for many of the other prisoners tell stories about how she ran the prison and what she did to the staff and inmates. Kaz seems willing to give her a chance, so I try to put my own reservations aside. The most frustrating thing about it is that they have scheduled a guard to stand outside of her cell all day and night. Now it’s Mitch. Kaz studies him, and scoffs. 

“Are you going to stand there all day?” She asks the screw, who smirks at her. 

“I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be.” 

“Then what? Going to go home for a little wank?” Kaz is deliberately trying to push the screw’s buttons, but he doesn’t seem to take the bait. 

“Not with you in mind, that’s for sure.” I laugh a little at his joke, and the offput look on Kaz’s face. Her hatred of men is so extreme sometimes. 

Suddenly, a voice pipes up from the cell the Freak is in. “Officer? I’d like to make some tea.”

The screw smirks at Kaz, and nods at her. “Proctor will do it.” 

She of course, takes offense. “I’m not your fucking slave!” 

The freak murmurs out a reply that I can’t hear. The screw turns to look at her, then at Kaz again. “You’re confined to your cell today. Just do it Proctor, then get to your work duty. 

Kaz reluctantly gets up, and makes tea, going into the Freak’s cell to give it to her. I wouldn’t want to be alone with the Freak, that’s for sure. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I get in line for the cafeteria, and once I reach Bea’s table, I hear a bit of their conversation. Boomer is telling the table about her upcoming conjugal visit. Then, my eyes connect with a pair of beautiful brown eyes, and Bea smiles, her eyes just slightly crinkling in the corners. Bea gets up, and stands next to me, scraping off the remains of her lunch. She shoots me a glance, and I decide to really tease her. 

“Oh Bea, stop staring. I get it, you like me.” Her face lights up with a smile, and I pat myself on the back for making her smile. I love her smile. It makes the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. 

“Hair looks good.” Bea says, smile still on her face. 

“Oh thanks, I’ve got a good hairdresser.” She smiles and leans closer to me, her voice lowered. 

“So I hear the Freak is in your unit?” I nod at her, wondering if that’s the only reason she’s talking to me. 

“Mmhmm yeah.” My reply even sounds half-hearted to my own ears. 

“Lucky you. So...what’s she doing?” Yeah, shes definitely only talking to me to get information about the Freak. Hey, at least she’s talking to me. 

“Just sitting there.” 

“She saying anything?” Bea’s eyes lock on my and my stomach drops at her using me for information like this. But I’d do anything for her. 

“Not much, she just stares at the wall. Like she’s out of it, meditating or something.” And that’s what the Freak has been doing. Sitting there staring at the wall. If I go by Bea’s story of Joan, I know she’s probably developing some kind of a plan.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd give you guys a bonus chapter today! Thanks for the comments and kudos! You guys keep me writing :) 
> 
> ellenvan

Chapter 10

Kaz and I walk down the hall on the way to our work duty. Kaz is telling me about a story she heard from Juice and her “boys”. “Yeah, they’re full of shit.” Suddenly we see Bea coming out of the conjugal room with Jackson. My stomach drops, and I feel queasy to think of them together. “Would you look at that. If they’re not already rooting, they sure as hell want to.” Kaz’s comment makes me even more naseous. I can’t help but stare at Bea, my eyes roaming from her long legs to her beautiful red hair. Kaz continues on, but I turn around and run back to Bea. 

“Hey! What’s uh...what’s with you and Jackson?” Her face looks shocked, and she stares at me blankly. 

“Nothing.” 

“You porking him?” The second the question comes out of my mouth, I regret it. Bea stares at me blankly, her eyes confused. Images of him inside her play through my mind, and my queasiness builds. 

“What?” She laughs nervously. I feel some of the queasiness slip away when she seems surprised by the question, as if it is ridiculous. 

“But you like him.” 

“That’s none of your business.” She gets close to my face and smiles a secret smile. Then she walks away. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’ve heard rumors around that Bea is going to kill the Freak. No one wants a life sentence, and because Bea already has a life sentence, and is a top dog, they’re expecting her to do it. I know Bea’s killed two people, but I know they were evil people who did horrible things to her daughter. But murdering someone in cold blood? Was she able to do that? What did that make her if she does? 

I look at Bea in the front of the line at the cafeteria, and wonder if she’s thinking about it. She’s fighting with this disgusting woman named Juice, who I sadly share a sexual orientation with. She’s got lackeys that she calls “boys” and is rumored to be a rapist and a abuser. 

As I move farther in the line, I hear Boomer talking to Bea. “Really looking forward to tomorrow. It’s been ages since I got off properly, you know. You know me Fev posters, they’re just not doing it for me anymore.” I smile, knowing that it was the plight of many women here in prison to be deprived of sex. These conjugals might make some of the sexual abuse slow down. Fingers crossed. 

I can’t help but chime in, offering my advice on sex. “You just need to mix up your technique.” Boomer stares at me and gives me a questioning grunt. “Well don’t just shove your hand up in there, right?” She gives me a puzzled look, as if that’s all she knows how to do to please herself. “You want to take your time with it. Enjoy your body. Have you ever done a self massage?” Boomer shakes her head at the same time that Bea chimes in. 

She looks red in the face, as she exclaims. “Do we really have to listen to this?” I smirk to myself, knowing now I need to take it even farther just to mess with her. Plus, once I start talking about sex, I think of her hands on me, and her tongue on me, and everything melts. 

Boomer guffaws. “Yeah we fuckin’ do!” She beckons for me to say more. 

This time I lock eyes with Bea for a minute before starting to talk. “Okay, so its all about teasing yourself, right? So just really lightly massage your tits, clamp on a nipple.” I emphasize this with movement around my own tits. Bea’s gaze drops to my hands for a minute, and then her eyes shoot straight up again, looking so uncomfortable. “Like stroke the inside of your thighs a little bit, work the clit, then you can for the g-spot.” Again, I emphasize it with hand gestures and Bea blushes, pushing away from the table a bit. 

“Can we please stop this fucking conversation?” Her lips are pursed and she looks a bit like Judge Judy, when she’s making a particularly disgusting verdict. I want to laugh at the look on her face, but instead I just smile. 

“Better than talking about Ferguson.” Boomer announces, and I can only agree. 

Liz, being Liz pipes up with an “I’m hungry.” to try to change the subject. 

Boomer looks over her shoulder at me, and asks me to keep going. I smile, and lean in towards her ear. “All right.” 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

After I eat, I’m on cleaning duty in the cafeteria. I notice Bea’s still sitting at her table, Doreen having just left. As I’ve thought about my teasing of Bea before I start to feel bad. Poor thing seemed mortified. How much more mortified would she be if I told her that I think of her touching me when I touch myself. Her perfect lips on mine, her hand tangled in my hair. Her fingers finding the folds of my sex. I get wet just thinking about her. If it ever happens, (knock on wood), I might explode with want. 

I snap myself out of my daydream, and approach Bea. I still feel very apologetic. “I freaked you out before didn’t I?” 

Bea stares at me for a moment before saying. “What?” 

I kick myself, but keep on talking. Maybe she just didn’t like the image of Boomer masturbating before. I’m confused now, but I keep going. “Sorry I thought...when you went all weird about the whole sex thing.” Her face looks confused, and she scoffs. 

“I didn’t get weird.” Her voice sounds defensive now. Am I digging myself a deeper hole? 

“Oh, you got a little bit weird. Your face went all Judge Judy.” I allow myself to smile as I think about her pinched face when I was talking about sex earlier. 

“Did it?” 

“Yeah a little bit.” 

“Oh, well, sex has never really been my…” She gestures as if trying to find the words. 

“Well maybe you’ve just been doing it with the wrong people.” My stomach drops as it comes out of my mouth, holding back the comment I want to say. ‘Maybe you should try with me’. Not going to say it. 

She looks up at me and meets my eye. “Maybe.” 

I want to level with her, and I decide to open up about my experience with sex. “You know, when I was working, I used to just shut my mind off, let it happen. Get it over with. That’s not sex you know.” I smile at her, even though she looks shocked at my announcement of being a “working girl”. Hadn’t she known? “That’s just fucking. Real sex, good sex...it’s in here too.” I reach out and brush Bea’s hair away from her temple, and touch it gently. I feel her shiver a bit. When’s the last time someone had touched her gently. Intimately. Probably a long time. “ You should try it sometime.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning on this chapter. Talk of rape and flashbacks!
> 
> ellenvan

Chapter 11 

I’m taking an afternoon nap, when I hear pounding on my door. I quickly stand up and open the door to see Kaz, looking frazzled and upset. “Joan’s been raped. Quick grab some extra uniforms, and any toilet paper you can find. She’s bleeding bad. Do you have any fanny pads?” I nod, rustling around in my cell for the fanny pads, and for any toilet paper I can find. I’ll regret it later when they won’t give me any, but I’m willing to make that sacrifice. 

I stop at the door to Joan’s cell, and watch Kaz as she soothes Joan. It’s very much a mirror of how she soothed me when I was going through withdrawals. “Shh shh, it’s okay.” She strokes the hair of Joan’s forehead. “Just tell me Joan, just tell me who did this to you. Shh It’s okay.” 

I leave the doorway to get some water and a pain pill, and return to the cell. I hand Kaz the drink and pill, and watch as Joan takes it. I turn to leave, but the next question gets my attention and I pause. “Was it Bea Smith?” 

Joan shakes her head. “It wasn’t Bea Smith.” I sigh in relief, and leave the two of them alone. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later on, I go and check on Kaz, and find her sleeping, sitting up against the wall, holding Joan’s hand. “Kaz.” I whisper, afraid of waking Joan up. “Kaz.” She looks up at me, and smiles weakly. “Go to bed. You’ve done all you can for her. Come on.” 

Once she exits the cell, she slumps down on the couch, and I sit on the arm, my arm around her shoulder. I know this brings up old wounds for her, and I wish I could take away those painful memories. I have some of my own, but not as raw as Kaz’s. They seemed to always be at the surface for Kaz. You can’t blame her, it was her own dad who raped her. 

I’m startled out of my thoughts by Kaz’s voice. “What kind of woman does that to another woman?” 

I sigh, and shake my head in wonder. I run my hand through Kaz’s hair, trying to soothe her. “Well, they’re not all like you Kaz. Some of them are just fucking assholes. And we are in a prison.” I find myself playing with Kaz’s ponytail, as she often did with mine when I was withdrawing. 

Kaz looks at me, pain in her eyes. My heart aches for her, and it even aches for the Freak...Joan. “No one should suffer like Joan. No one deserves to be raped.” She starts crying and clenches her fists. “Someone has to pay.” 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I fall into a fitful sleep full of flashbacks and fear. Though I didn’t see Joan’s injuries, I’ve seen rape before, and felt it’s sting. I was a prostitute and some men like to take advantage of that, and rape me. It happened twice. Both were johns. Both came inside me. I thankfully never got pregnant. But I remember the blood, and the pain. I remember the smell of their sweat, and the rank stench of their breath. I remember it all like it was yesterday. 

When I wake up, I’m exhausted, but get out of bed to get counted. I notice Kaz is in Joan’s cell, before running out to be counted. There are a few tense moments when Joan doesn’t appear right away, but she finally emerges, limping a little, and Smiles counts her. Either Smiles knows something is wrong, or she doesn’t care. I don’t know which one makes me more angry.   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Kaz insists that Joan come with us to the cafeteria. I resist a little, not wanting to be seen with “The Freak”, but I know Kaz now sees her as part of the crew. So I suck it up, and enter the cafeteria with my crew, Kaz supporting Joan. As soon as we appear, the whole room goes silent until Juice starts chanting. “Freak, Freak, Freak.” Over and over, as she bangs her utensils on the table. The room takes up the chant, and I feel afraid for all our safety, but especially the safety of Kaz and Joan. 

Kaz whispers to Joan. “Ignore them.” 

Smiles yells over the chants. “Settle down now, or I’ll slot everyone of you!” The room settles down, and the chattering picks back up. I watch Bea through this whole thing, and she’s as still as a statue. We get in line for the food, and when it comes to be Joan’s turn, the servers seem uncertain. 

“Serve this woman.” Kaz says in her best stern voice. The women stand there, staring at Joan. Kaz sighs and snatches the serving spoon out of the woman’s hand and scoops food onto Joan’s tray. 

Soon, we’re settled down at our table, and Kaz’s body language makes it obvious that she’s protected and part of our crew. I’m still apprehensive, but I’ll follow Kaz’s lead. Then Jackson enters the room, and Joan freaks out. Shaking, quivering, absolutely terrified. I glance from her to Jackson and back to her. Could Jackson have done this? Kaz hates him, but he seems to be a decent man. Definitely not a rapist. Or at least I think so. “Sorry, sorry. I have to go.” Joan gets up, stumbling over her chair in her haste to leave. “Sorry..” 

Kaz jumps up and follows her, but the rest of the crew stays sitting, finishing our breakfast. Juice yells out “Go on you fuckin’ psycho!” I shoot a glare her way. She is really the most detestable person I’ve come across. 

I barely finish my food, not feeling very hungry. I can still almost smell the sweat of the johns, and taste blood in my mouth. It makes my stomach squirm unpleasantly. I sense someone eyes on me, and turn around to see Bea approaching. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” She asks, her eyebrows pointing down, with an adorable little crease on her forehead. 

“What?” 

“What are you doing protecting her?” She looks angry now, and I wonder if the stories she tells about Joan are true. She seems quiet and unassuming. And right now, very unable to do harm. 

“Well you know Kaz. Gotta help a sister.” Bea scoffs at this, and shakes her head angrily. 

“Sister? She’s no sister!” 

I nod, part of me agreeing with her, but not ready to betray Kaz. “She was attacked. Pretty badly.” Her face goes a bit white, but her eyes hold mine. 

“Did she say who did it?” 

“No, she won’t talk about it.” I sigh, thinking about my own trauma and how I didn’t tell anyone but Kaz. Poor Joan must be traumatized by what happened. 

Bea scoffs once more, and stares me in the eye. “Listen to me. That woman is a psychopath. You gotta back away right now. Don’t help her out. If she asks you to do anything, anything at all, just report it to me okay?” 

I feel a little bit of anger at Bea for assuming I would report to her, when my crew is obviously Kaz’s. “She’s like 50 and can barely move. I think we can handle her.” Still fuming, I walk away. She follows, and touches my shoulder. 

“You got no idea.” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Kaz and the crew are walking with Joan, while she suddenly gets pulled away by some screws. Kaz reacts quickly, as is her way. “What’s going on Governor? Where is she being taken?” 

The Governor shakes her head, “Not your problem Proctor.” 

Kaz presses further, turning to Joan. “You alright Joan?” 

The Governor looks pissed. “She is fine, move on!” 

Kaz touches Joan’s shoulder. “It’s okay Joan. If anything happens to you, we won’t stand for it. It’s okay. We’re here!” 

Joan nods as they lead her away.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 

Kaz is bound and determined to confront Bea about Jackson raping Joan. She is fuming mad, and I don’t blame her. If it is true, then something needs to be done. We storm up to Bea’s table in the yard, and Kaz all but shouts. “So you’re okay with it are ya? That a guard attacked a woman and raped her?” 

Bea looks completely confused, and I know she doesn’t know what Kaz is talking about. “What?” She stands up, face to face with Kaz. 

Kaz pushes, and again I worry for her safety, confronting the top dog like this. But Kaz’s fury know no bounds. “You know what I’m talking about. Your boy toy, Will Jackson brutalized Joan Ferguson.” Bea startles me by laughing. Her crew joins in. 

Kaz glares all the more, red rising to her neck. I want to pull her back and stop this doomed encounter, but I know she’s too fired up. “Oh it’s funny is it!? You’re all fucking laughing?” 

Boomer chuckles. “Yeah.” 

Bea stops laughing, but has a smile on her face. Even I want to wipe the smile off her face right now. “Is that what she told you? He didn’t do it, trust me.” 

“Of course you’d cover for him. Screw lover!” She yells this, and the whole yard stops to listen. I know that this is a direct challenge to Bea’s authority and I bristle, ready to fight for Kaz. 

“Hey!” Boomer shouts and jumps to her feet. Bea waves her off. 

“Nah nah, it’s okay Booms.” She turns back to Kaz. “Mr Jackson would never lay a finger on her. She’s playing you. I’d watch my back if I were you.” 

Kaz is fired up still and again all but shouts. “Victims a liar? Fuck, I’ve never heard that one before.” I know she smarts at this one because of her mom not believing her about her dad’s abuse. I wince a little. This is getting way too far out of line. 

“She’s no victim. You don’t know the history of this place, and what she has done.” I know we’ve all heard the stories, but Kaz erased them from her mind the moment Joan was raped. 

“I know we have a Top Dog, who’d rather protect the screw she’s fucking!” I see the punch coming, and wince as I hear it collide with Kaz’s face. She goes down hard. Damn, Bea can punch. The crew starts forward, and Boomer launches into the fray. 

“Oh ya, wanna fucking go, do you?” Cassie gets up in her face, and they start arguing. I go to Kaz’s side, worried about her face, and her dignity. 

Bea kneels down beside Kaz. “You’re listening to the wrong person, dickhead!” I start a little at this, and wonder if she may be telling the truth. She seems so sure of it. But I shake my head, grab Kaz off the ground, and support her as she turns around to the gathering women. 

“There’s your Top Dog! Screw lover!” Kaz fires out before I pull her away from Bea, and the yard. 

“You can’t do things like that Kaz. She’s the Top Dog. You can’t keep threatening her leadership and facing her head on. She’s on top for a reason. It’s better to keep our heads down and find a way to get back at Jackson ourselves than incite violence with the number one crew.” 

She spits out some blood and glares at me. “You’re just saying that cause you have a crush on her.” She pushes me away and goes into her cell, slamming the door behind her.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I led the crew to the mess hall today, cause Kaz had a visitor. She never gets visitors, so I knew it would be something serious. Ferguson sits across from me, and I avoid her eyes like the plague. “Where’s Kaz?” She asks, her eyes locked on mine. 

I look away, “Got a visitor.” God, this woman gave off horrible vibes. 

“Who?” Shit, she also doesn’t have any idea how much I dislike her. 

I’m saved from answering the question by a fight that breaks out between Tina and Juice. With Bea in the slot, everyone is unsettled and fights break out daily. It’s starting to feel how it did when Bea and the others in H1 hadn’t been transferred back in. Total anarchy. Boomer ‘sorts it’ by eating the piece of bacon they are fighting over. I give a snort of laughter, and the Freak turns back to me. 

“It’s like a jolt of oxygen. Top Dog’s in the slot, and then women can finally breathe.” I shake my head, wondering at this woman’s mental state. 

“She’ll be back soon enough.” I smirked to myself, mind set on the image of Bea being dragged away for assaulting Jackson. She really did a number on him. But she did what she set out to do, and no one questioned her relationship with Jackson since. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

Later, I’m sitting in the unit, reading a book about a women’s prison in the states. Again, the Freak doesn’t read my “don’t fuck with me right now” signals, and sits down near me. “Where’s Kaz?” 

I sigh, not even looking up from my book. “Her dad just died. She wants to be alone.” 

“Were they close?” Jesus, this woman is like a dog with a bone. And she’s heading into dangerous territory. 

“I’ll give you some advice Joan. Never ask Kaz about her old man.” She nods a little and I go back to “reading”, but I’m just thinking of poor Kaz and that she never got to feel vindicated with her dad since her mom always denied the allegations that he raped her as a child. Poor Kaz never will now. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

I sigh, as I stand outside my bunk, waiting for this random search to be done. I don’t know why they’re searching our block, there’s no drug activity within our crew. Kaz wouldn’t allow it. That’s one thing Kaz and Bea agree on. Probably the only thing. 

When they reach my cell, I’m not worried, but instantly start as I see the screw emerge with some smack. “Bullshit, that’s not mine.” 

The screw shows it to the Governor, who slots me. Arms go around my neck and I bite the arm close to my mouth. “Kaz!” The screw shrieks and lets go. My mind goes white as I feel arms around me and I fight for all I’m worth. Get the fuck off me! Kaz, it’s not mine!” I know that these are screws in my head, but a part of me fights against the oppressive weight of their arms, my mind flashing back to the last time someone grabbed me from behind. My hands are brought behind my back and handcuffed and the handcuff pinches at my wrist. “Ow!” 

They start to lead me out of the block, and I carry on kicking and screaming, in and out of flashbacks. Before I leave the unit, I notice a little smirk on the Freak’s face, and I shoot her a look of pure hatred. That bitch…


	14. Chapter 14

Episode 14 

I’m still fighting as they drag me into the slot. “Shit! Fucking prick! It wasn’t my gear!” They all but throw me into the cell, and slam the door shut. I curl up on the bed, still reeling from my flashback. I want to cry, but I don’t know who else is in the slot and will hear me. I don’t want to appear weak. So instead I stew in my head at the unfairness of it all. 

I almost jump out of my skin as the door is open, and Westfall comes in. She tells people to call her Bridget, but she’s one of the only ones I actually respect here. So I call her Ms. Westfall. She’s pretty, and kind and I find myself checking her out from time to time. Rumor says she hooked up with the previous Top Dog. Wonder how she kept her job then. I shrug, and turn to look at her once more. 

“I don’t need to see you.” I shrug again, blaise in my approach to seeing a therapist. 

“My presence is mandatory I’m afraid.” She 

“And I don’t suppose you’d give a shit if I tell you the drugs aren’t mine?” Apprehension crosses her face, and I know she doesn’t believe me. Once a junkie, always a junkie. That’s how people think. She can’t know why I won’t touch the stuff, and why I don’t do it for Kaz, or for anyone other than me. 

“Okay, look Allie, you do have a history of addiction.” See, once a junkie, always a junkie. Just like I predicted. I thought Westfall was better than that. 

“I’m not using again.” I repeat, putting real emphasis on the words, dying for someone; anyone at this point, to believe me. 

“I believe you.” This time I know she’s coming to understand how strong my convictions are about this. I’m not going to slide back into the drugs. I don’t want to be a junkie anymore. I don’t want to rely on anything to keep me happy. I sigh a little, happy someone believes me. “But it can be a struggle to stay sober, and I have some strategies that can help you prevent slipping back into addiction.” 

Sigh. I was hoping that there wouldn’t be a ‘but’. “Don’t need ‘em. I got my own strategies and they work for me.” I know my strategies are cliche. Wanting to stay sober to prove to myself I can do it. Wanting to stay free from the life on the street, sleeping in alleys and doorways. Wanting to keep Kaz happy, and believing in me a way that no one ever has. Wanting to see the world clearly and experience the sights and sounds sober and unaffected by drugs. 

Of course, she has to go and ask me what they are. “Do you mind sharing them with me?” I just say the first thing that comes to my mind. Something that’s been on the forefront of my mind lately. 

“Bea Smith.” 

She smiles. “Aha, her anti drug policy. So it’s the fear of the Top Dog’s wrath that keeps you clean?” I laugh then, knowing that I’m not at all afraid of Bea Smith. Fascinated by her, sure. But not afraid of. 

“Shit, no. It’s not fear. It’s her strength. What she did, it was a real inspiration to us. I’ve never seen anything like it.” It’s true, I haven’t. I remember the minute I saw Bea Smith on the telly, and how beautiful and strong she looked. She was an avenging angel, and she inspired us to follow in her footsteps. 

Ms. Westfall looks a little puzzled. “I’m not sure I can use a convicted murderer as a role model in my counseling sessions, but I’m glad it worked for you.” I smile then, happy she digested my bullshit. Well, at least some of it was bullshit. 

“Good, I can keep her to myself then. Our hot little secret.” I wink at her, and she scoffs. Definitely taken and happily so. When she leaves, I relax a little, happy to be alone once more. 

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Finally, they bring our lunches in, and I’m chowing down and nearly choke when I hear a voice that I recognize and it makes shivers run down my spine. “If they weren’t your drugs, whose were they?” 

I set my food aside, and look at the wall behind me. “Bea, You’re in the next slot?” 

“No I’m in a penthouse overlooking the beach. Yeah, I’m in the next slot.” Feisty. I like. 

Suddenly I realize that she has been privy to the conversation I had with Westfall, that I mentioned her inspirational vengeance killing. I want to kick myself. Her voice interrupts my thoughts once again. “You told Westfall it wasn’t your gear.” 

I blush, still reeling from the realization that I had praised her with her listening in. I try to change the subject, but part of me knew she wouldn’t take the bait. “You know, I gave you the heads up about Mr. Jackson to save him from getting a bashing, not so you could give him a beating.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Could you just answer my question?” Oh, so she’s playing at Top Dog right now. I can either lie, or tell her the truth. She may think I’m crazy, but with her background with the Freak, maybe she’ll believe me. 

“It was planted in my cell. I think by Ferguson.” I stop listening to the sound of my heartbeat beating in my ears. “Do you believe me?” 

She doesn’t answer right away, but when she does, I think I sense a bit less accusation. “Do you think that Ferguson knows that you told me about the attack on Mr. Jackson.” I nod to myself, knowing she probably does know. But if she does, she’s kept it quiet. I don’t think that it’s the reason why she planted those drugs in my cell though. 

“I don’t know. I think she just wants me out of the way so she can get a clear run at Kaz.” I shudder a bit, wondering what the fucking bitch has been whispering into Kaz’s ear since she won her over. Without her number one, Kaz was quickly going to listen to everything the bitch says to her, without me to interject. They had a strange relationship and it creeped me out. The Freak creeps me out, period. 

“Why? She’s already got Kaz in her corner.” 

“Oh, you know her better than I do.” I’d love for Bea to shine some light on the whole Freak situation, and how the hell she’s won over my mum the way she has. 

Instead, she catches me off guard. “So, what is it with you and Kaz? Why would you get involved with someone like that?” I feel taken aback. Someone like what?

“Someone like that?” I feel a bit defensive, wanting to show Bea that Kaz has good qualities that have mostly eroded since we came into prison. I remember a Kaz that was compassionate, and tolerant. Not spouting hate and accusations. I’m desperate to try to show that underneath all the negative things about Kaz, there’s good too. 

“Yeah.” 

I scoff, and slide down the wall, so I’m sitting next to the grate where she probably is kneeling beside on the other side of the wall. “Uh, because she was kind to me. Because she’s the only person who’s ever given a shit about me. I was at a women’s shelter where Kaz was volunteering and I was a mess. She took me under her wing and she got me off the gear. And she held my head over the toilet when I spewed, and cleaned me up when I shat myself. I love her. I owe her my life.” 

Bea doesn’t say anything as a reply, and I want to keep talking to her, but I don’t know what to say. 

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Finally, after some silence, Bea’s voice echoes in the cell once more. “I’m not who you think I am. Killing Brayden Holt wasn’t an act of strength. It was...it was hatred. Pure revenge. How’s that for inspiring?” 

“But it was. It was.” I remember thinking how amazing it was that single handed one woman, who used to be a hairdresser took down an entire crime family. And all because they had killed her daughter and she loved her daughter so much that she was willing to pay for it with her life. She was willing to spend the rest of her life in this hell, to show her daughter that she had done everything possible to avenge her. 

Bea laughs nervously, like she’s uncomfortable. “I don’t want to be the reason why you don’t shove crank in your veins. I don’t want that responsibility.” 

I laugh a little. “Hey, all that stuff I said to Westfall, it was bullshit, you know. You gotta give the shrinks something to get ‘em off your back, right?” 

“Sure.” That’s the only response I get until Bea clears her throat. So, what your story Allie? Why did you end up in that women’s shelter?” 

I smile, and get up to wrap the blanket around my shoulders, knowing that this is a long story. “Well, when I was 16, I ran away from my dad, who was an abusive alcoholic. I lived on the street, and tried to avoid prostitution, but eventually a pimp found me, and the rest is history. To cope with the clients, and my “job” I’d get high. Crank was my way of escaping during a job. The abuse started not long after I started. First it was slappings, and punches. Then it escalated to rape. I went to my pimp, asking for help, but he denied help to me, and I went on being abused and raped, trying to live. When I was 22, I ran back to my dad, who kicked me out after he found out I worked as a prostitute and lived as a lesbian. I guess it was easier to face the fact that I was homeless and sleeping in doorways, and down alleys, and on the street.” 

Bea’s voice was soft, and teasing. “Hey, you’re an Allie cat.” 

I laugh a little and then continue my story. “ I lived in doorways and alleyways and started to work again, this time without a pimp. It was even worse, and the rapes escalated. To survive, I continued the gear.” Then one night, years later, I found the women’s shelter that Kaz worked at and she found me. You know that story. I wasn’t interested in anyone saving me, but she did. Then, we started taking revenge on clients who had hurt me. Just one at first, then more and more. I felt like I was an avenging angel. Kaz was like a mum I never had. Someone who cared enough to give me a place to stay and get me away from the gear. I felt comfortable with her crew of women, and it gave me a sort of respite from the lifestyle that had held me captive for so long. Now, I follow Kaz because she’s like a mum to me, and I believe in most of what she stands for.” 

Again, she doesn’t say anything, but I know she listened to every word.

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I’m beginning to see a silly side of Bea Smith, and I love it. I’m up on my feet, rapping, calling myself DJ AllieCat. Surprisingly, she joins me. “Motherfuckin’ ho. Go with the flow, bitches me mean…” 

“Yeah, cause we’re wearing green!” She chips in, using an adorable “gangsta” voice. I can’t help but laugh my ass off. “What?” She seems upset by my laughter. I laugh again, not able to help it. 

“They’re teal, you dickhead.” She scoffs, and then we both break into laughter. 

We sit quietly for a bit, before I decide to break the silence. “What’s you story Bea?” 

I listen to her tell me about her life. She starts with a story about her husband Harry, and how they got pregnant and a young age, and got married. She tells me of the birth of Debbie, and how she instantly fell in love with her little daughter. I can hear the love for her daughter in every anecdote and phrase. Then, she tells me of the abuse that Harry did to her, and how she was passive in it, trying to protect Debbie from ever experiencing it. 

I change the subject, as it feels almost too personal, and ask her to tell a story about Debbie. 

She tells me a story about Debbie and her love of snails. “Debbie found each of the snails separately and then brought them into her room, on her bed. They were everywhere. I told her snails need to be outside, but she said that they needed friends, and that they needed a home. And so I told her she should make a home out of cardboard. A few days later, I go outside, and there’s just dead snails everywhere. And she made a little snail hotel out of a snail pellet box.” 

I can’t help but laugh, and my eyes get misty, knowing this kind gentle child was killed when she was so young still. “Oh, snails check in, but they never check out.” We both laugh together, and I feel a slow tear drip down my face as if I can feel Bea’s pain. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Tell me more about Debbie.” I say, wanting to know anything and everything about the girl that Bea loved above everything. 

“What do you wanna know?” 

“Everything.” 

“Well, she was smart. And really stubborn. Most of all she was...she was kind.” Bea continues telling me the story of Debbie, and I feel more tears slip down my cheeks as I hear the pain and agony in her voice, still deeply grieving for the one person she loved above all others. 

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I think I’m in love with Bea Smith. We talk all through the night, until I hear soft snores from her cell, and I curl up on the ground on my blanket, as close to Bea as I can be. I want to hold her in my arms, and keep her safe from all the bad things in the world. I want to take away her pain, and kiss away her tears. I want to make love to her softly, teaching her body love for the first time. I want to hold her heart close to mine and listen to them echo songs to each other. I want all that with her, and more. If only she felt the same way.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I’m woken up by Ms. Westfall, who kneels down beside me. I realize I fell asleep on the floor, next to the grate. Near Bea. 

“Morning. You’ll be spending the day in the psych ward today, Allie. 

“Why?” I’m confused. Why would I need to go to the psych ward? Did I imagine that Bea was there, and that was all in my head? 

“Relax. Standard procedure following an officer assault. Come on.” I follow her and the screw leads me out of the slot. As I pass Bea’s cell, I glance into the window, and see Bea standing there. She smiles at me, and I know that none of what happened yesterday was fake. It was all real. I’m in love with the Top Dog. Shit. 

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I’m returned to my cell after the day of examinations and endless questions. God, do I wish I hadn’t bit that guard. I missed out on another day with Bea. I kick myself, wishing I could go back and take back that bite. 

I go to the grate, and kneel down. “Bea!” She doesn’t answer, so I tap the wall between us. “Bea!” She still doesn’t answer, so I try to get her silly side to come out. Maybe she’s asleep. I raise my voice and “rap”. DJ Allie Cay, wickedy whack, no back emcee, callin’ out to Bea, the prison rap Queen, how’ve you been you! Boom!” She still doesn’t answer, and now I’m getting concerned. “Bea! Why won’t you talk to me? Bea?” 

 

Suddenly, a yell from the next cell makes me jump. “Shut the fuck up, will ya! I’m trying to sleep!” I wince as if she had hit me, and pull back away from the grate. I feel like she physically slapped me across the face. I go sit on the bed, and I feel tears gather in my eyes. “And so is Juice!” I let the air out that’s held in my chest. She was acting this way cause of Juice. Not because of me. Not because of our day together. She didn’t regret it. She just needed to protect her reputation as Top dog. I can deal with that. It hurts, but not the heartbreaking pain I had experienced moments before. I’m quiet, and tap on the wall gently, and hear her tap back. I know all is well. 

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It’s a week of endless days of the slot before they finally let us out. Surprisingly they let Juice out too. She’d only been in the slot for a handful of days, compared to our week stint. I’m not sure what she did, but apparently it wasn’t seen as bad as officer assault and possession. 

They escort me back to my unit, and I’m greeted by Becky and Tanja. They pat my back, and tell me they missed me. I think they were worried about me. I’d have felt the same if it had been one of them slotted. I go to my cell, not looking for Kaz. I know she’ll find me. 

Sure enough, she walks into my cell, looking at me with concern. “Go on then, ask me.” I say, knowing she’s dying to know if I’m doing drugs again. 

“Are you back on the gear?” I know she means well, but the idea that she even thought for a minute that I’d get back on the gear hurts my heart. She was supposed to be the one to believe in me and my sobriety. I, as I often do, make a joke out of it. 

“I’m pinned. Look at me.” Then I turn to look into her eyes. “Fuck Kaz…” My heart aches at the thought of letting down my mum. 

“I had to ask.” She says, the look of concern gone from her eyes. I walk past her, and close the door to my cell. 

Here we go. “I think Ferguson planted it on me.” 

She scoffs, and looks incredulous. “Why would she do that?” 

I know she doesn’t believe me, so I backpedal a little. Wishing she wasn’t so blind to the manipulation that the Freak has over her. “Well someone did, and she doesn’t like me.” 

“It wasn’t her. She’s one of us. I’m starting to see how Bea Smith and Jackson could have stitched her up.” I turn around, turning my back on her. One of us? That woman is not, and never will be one of us. She treats Kaz as a puppet, to be used for her own machinations. I can’t say this to Kaz though. It’d break her heart. 

I can hear her coming closer. “Are you okay?” 

“I just don’t see why you trust her.” 

“Because there’s another side to her. You’re still my number one.” She leans in and hugs me, and I take a big whiff of her smell. Comforting, smelling of soap and jasmine shampoo. “It’s so good to have you back.” She kisses my cheek, and winks at me. “Welcome home.” 

Once she leaves my cell, I got to take a shower, and walk past the Freak. The pity and solidarity I once had with her has evaporated. She deserves the name Freak. I know Bea doesn’t have anything to do with her rape, and the fact that she says Bea does, makes me suspicious. I shoot a glare in her direction, and she gives me a tiny smile that makes me break out into goosebumps. I’ve seen psychopaths before in my line of work, and this woman is by far the creepiest. 

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I learn that in my absence, a young girl named Tasha pushed the panic button, to stop a rape from occurring at the hands of Juice and her “boys”. I knew there was a reason I hated her guts. I wish I could kick her around some, and wipe that smug look off her face. How did she only get a handful of days in the slot for an attempted rape. I would’ve slotted her and left her to rot. Now, I’m sure that Jackson had nothing to do with the Freak’s rape. It had to have been Juice. That’s the kind of woman who would corner a woman alone and brutally assault her. This time they went after the wrong girl, and she got Juice slotted. 

I also learn that Maxine, who is Bea’s number one, failed to punish Tasha for her “crime” of pushing the panic button. I know that it is a long standing rule of Wentworth to never ever push the button under any circumstance, and most of the time I’d agree. But pushing it to stop a rape from occurring seems like a pretty good reason to me. 

But of course, Bea is not a stand in, and has to punish Tasha in some way for her “crime”. So, she allows Juice and her boys to cut off her hair, leaving her scalp bloody and ears nicked and bleeding. I wanted to take the young girl in my arms and clean up her wounds. But I know she has to do it herself. 

I’m not shocked to hear of the attempted suicide of Tasha. She is so young, was almost raped, and then was tormented by Juice and her women, who brutalized her head. I almost wish she had been burned by Maxine instead. Then, I wouldn’t be angry at Bea. How could she push this young girl this far, all because of a button. I know she has to uphold the rules, but we’re criminals for god’s sake! Rules are meant to be broken. I wish she could have some flexibility.   
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I go to Bea’s cell to give her a piece of my mind. I also miss her in an almost painful way. I know my addiction to gear, has been replaced with an addiction to Bea Smith. It’s the best kind of addiction I’ve ever faced. 

I walk into Bea’s cell without knocking, and stop short when I see what Bea is doing. Bea’s sitting on the ground her pants down, using a small razor to cut into the skin on her thigh. I quickly close the door, and kneel beside her, taking the razor away, and going to get a cloth. As an angsty, closeted teenager, I had tried cutting, but had hated it because of the blood. I grab a cloth and get it wet, bringing it over to Bea. I hand her the washcloth and she puts it on her cut, moaning a little as she does. I sit beside her, and hold her hand, as she cries. We never say a word. I just let Bea cry. She needs someone who just let’s her feel and allows her to know that feeling something isn’t a negative. So I stay there and hold her hand, and listen to the small sobs of a broken heart. 

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Later on, we’re out in the yard, and I meet Bea’s eye and she smiles at me. I smile back, more in love with this beautiful woman than ever. She let me see something so fragile and vulnerable inside her. And I loved even that part of her. We never spoke, but the connection between us, and the trust that she showed speaks volumes to me. 

I’m interrupted out of my ruminations by Kaz’s voice, and then I snap to, pretending to care about her next big speech. Of course she says it loud enough for all the women in the yard to hear. “Ladies, I would like to propose a toast. Joan, that was an amazing effort. Here’s to Joan for saving a young woman’s life. Whoa!!” The women cheer, and then Kaz sits back down, and the Freak chimes in. 

“It’s what the women do, we look out for each other eh?” Yeah fucking right. But you’re not one of us bitch! 

“Well of course, none of this would have happened if Bea Smith hadn’t enforced her stupid bloody rules.” Kaz snorts in derision, and shakes her head. 

The Freak leans in conspiratorially. “Apparently, we aren’t the only ones who feel that way. I’ve been hearing rumours of a possible permanent takeover.” 

I perk up now, really listening. Kaz seems to be as well. “By who?” 

“Conway.” I glance towards where Bea is sitting and our eyes meet. Mine must be concerned, because her eyes grow concerned as well. Would Maxine betray Bea? It doesn’t seem like that would happen. No more than I would overthrow Kaz. Maxine loves Bea. YOu can tell by their exchanges. I think they are best friends, and Maxine probably knows more about Bea than anyone, except maybe me now. I smile at Bea, and her concern turns into a smile as well. Maxine notices our look, and smiles at me. Yeah, not going to overthrow your best friend. Probably just Freak shit talking, trying to stir stuff up. I get up and leave the table, walking towards the unit, wanting to be as far from the Freak as I can get. 

When I reach my unit, I hear my name being called. I turn around, expecting to see Kaz, or maybe Bea, but instead I see Maxine. My face goes red as I realize that the last time I really interacting with Maxine, was when I called her a bloke. I want to run away, but I stay put, waiting for her to catch up. 

She takes my arm, and drags me into the unit, and sits me down on a couch. I fight a bit, but then surrender when I realize this is a fight I couldn’t win. Then she sits next to me, and places a hand on top of mine. “Sweetheart, don’t be afraid, I’m just here to talk.” My heartbeat slows down a little, after being so bodily dragged into the unit. “I just want to know what’s up between you and Bea.” 

I start a little, and my heartbeat picks back up. “What do you mean? Why would there be anything between us?” I hope she doesn’t see the fear in my eyes. 

“Relax sweetie, it’s just the two of us here. I know you feel something for Bea, and I want to make sure you have good intentions.” 

I nod a bit. “Is this like the speech that I’d get if I asked her on a date and you were her mother?” She smiles and her kind eyes land on me, and I nod my head again. “Okay, so I’d like to take her out on a date; I mean, if this was a normal circumstance. But it’s not, and I can’t. Plus she’s not even gay.” 

Maxine smiles at me again, a gentle kind smile, and I feel myself relax. “So you are interested in Bea romantically?” 

I grudgingly nod. “How could I not be. She’s amazing, and so strong. She’s...just everything.” Maxine’s face is split with a huge smile, and her eyes are twinkling. 

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” She asks, sending shivers down my spine. All I can do is nod, and she smiles again, and clasps her hands together. “I’m so glad. She deserves someone to love her. She needs it. She’s been so lonely, and I think you help with that. Keep trying sweetie. I think she feels something too. She’ll come around.” She stands up and extends her arms to me, and I am enveloped in one of the best fucking hugs I’ve ever had. I watch her walk away, and feel so relieved I told someone about how I feel.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

I take Maxine’s advice and don’t give up. I buy some vitamin E drops from commissary and set off to find Bea. I think Kaz may be mad at me for running out on her all the time, but in my hazy love filled brain, there isn’t much room for long rants about misogyny or anecdotes about how Bea Smith needs to go down. The irritating Doreen had joined our table this morning instead of with Bea’s crew, and Kaz was practically crowing with delight. I just want to be there for Bea, and show her that I care. 

I find Bea heading up the stairs, just as the Freak walks by. She gives a glare at Bea, and her eyes look at me, and I can see her hatred, both for Bea and for me in those cold eyes. I shiver a little and run up the stairs, calling for Bea to stop. “Bea. Hey, I’ve been looking for you.” She turns around, and it occurs to me that we’re very close on the stairs. I could back up, but I decide to test the playing field. I look around to make sure no one is coming, and then I pass her the bottle of Vitamin E drops. “Vitamin E. For your scarring.” She smiles at me, the first smile I’ve seen on her face today. 

“Oh, thanks.” She blushes a little, and I smile to myself. 

“Are you alright?” I want to make sure that the little scene with Doreen didn’t affect her negatively, the way it had positively impacted Kaz. She shrugs. 

“Yeah..Just….Stuff, you know?” I nod, and place my hand on her shoulder. Our faces mere inches apart. I can smell her sweet breath. I want to lean in and kiss her right there and then, but I resist the urge. She’s still not ready. 

“Well if it’s about Doreen, forget about it. There’s plenty of other people here who care about you.” Bea’s face lights up with a shy smile, and I smile back at her, our shoulders touching. Suddenly, she pulls away like she’s been burned, and I look up to see a woman coming down the stairs. 

“Yeah.” Is all I get before she hurries up the stairs away from me.

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I’m lying on my bed reading a book when Tanja bursts into my room. “We’re going to push the panic button in solidarity with Tasha.” I stare at her, thinking she’s gone dumb. 

“Tanja, it’s against the rules to push the panic button. You saw what happened when Tasha pushed it for a good reason, let alone for shits and giggles. She shrugs at me, and leaves me alone once more with my copy of Tipping the Velvet. 

I almost jump out of bed when I hear the first panic button being pushed, then ours is, and then more and more after that. My heart sinks in my chest. Though I don’t like the way that Bea enforces her rules, I love her, and this is a direct threat to her leadership. I know how hard she’s taken Tasha’s attempted suicide, and I know she’ll take this just as hard. All I can think of are the fading, and recent scars on her leg, and my stomach jolts. 

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I’m working my first day behind the counter in the canteen, and I’m bored as fuck. Some of my crew are assisting me in the kitchen, but I’m the only server. I perk up a little when I notice Bea in the line, but then I see her downtrodden face and I know it was a hard night for her. Hell, it was hard for anyone to sleep after all the buttons went off the the screws came through, making sure no one actually needed help. Damn Doreen and her damn button. Fuck that. 

AS Bea gets closer, I whisper. “You all right?” I scoop some veggies on her plate, and she smiles weakly at me. 

“What are the women saying?” I can see Maxine standing not too far away, but figure she’s in Bea’s inner circle and I need to be honest. 

“They reckon that Doreen did the right thing.” Bea shakes her head, looking even more depressed. The women all around the room are whispering and we all know what it’s about. 

I almost roll my eyes when Kaz stands up, but I stop myself, remembering how much the woman has done for me. But god am I getting sick of her rants. “Hey Bea! Just wanted to clarify, Panic Button rule’s out the window yeah?” 

The whole room is silent now, as we all wait for Bea’s answer. I can see her face, and it’s dark and stormy. She’s had enough of Kaz’s shit too. “The rule stays.” Even I’m shocked at the answer, though not surprised. Bea is as stubborn as she explained Debbie to be. 

“Really? Only it seems like the women have spoken.” 

Bea turns around the face the women, and all eyes are on her. “Last night was an accident. Anyone tries that shit again, they’ll have me to deal with.” I feel like that comment was mostly aimed at Doreen, who doesn’t even have the decency to blush. 

“Wow, you hear that ladies? What Queen Bea says, goes, even if it’s not what the majority wants.” 

“Shut the fuck up Kaz!” Bea shouts, turning back to face me. She’s pissed now. You did it now mum, you poked the bear one too many times. 

The women all start to whisper again, and Kaz remains standing. Suddenly Bea slams her tray on the counter with a bang. Food flies everywhere and I roll my eyes. “All right! Listen up! If you have a problem with the rules, then let’s get it out in the open. Hmm? If you don’t want a Top Dog anymore, then speak up.” I gasp, as well as several of the women in the room, none of us expecting those words to come out of Queen Bea’s mouth. “Come on, let’s vote. Hands up! Let’s take a vote right now-- who doesn’t want a Top Dog?” 

“Then what? We get shivved?” 

“No. No. No repercussions.” Bea says, meeting the eye of every woman in the room. Kaz scoffs. 

“They don’t believe you.” 

“Just shut up Kaz.” She looks around the room at the women. “Well?” 

“All right. If you really want to do this, we can do a blind vote. Every woman gets her say. No intimidation.” 

Juice stands up, and voices her opinion. “Let’s just vote now. We don’t need a Top Dog.” 

Boomer, who is standing beside Maxine chimes in. “Shut the fuck up you big, hairy lezzo.” Maxine pulls Boomer in and shushes her. 

Kaz raises her hands for silence, and says. “All right, how do we do this fairly?” 

“Three women take the votes. One from my crew….” She turns around and asks Liz, who nods. “One from yours.” Tanja volunteers. And we need someone neutral.” At this Juice raises her hand and I almost let out a snort of laughter. Neutral my ass. 

Liz pipes up. “What about Sonia. She’s a newbie.” Sonia agrees, and Bea nods her head. 

“All right, good. You spread the word. Then we take the votes last. The other blocks can vote in their rec time.” The women around the room start chattering and Bea turns back around at grabs her tray. I beckon her close, and refill it with food. 

Maxine leans in and whispers to Bea, loud enough that I can hear it. “You sure about this?” 

“It’s the only way I can shut it down.”

Maxine nods, but then says. “Yeah? Well what if you lose?” Bea just shrugs and takes her tray with a smile. Maxine shoots me a worried look, and follows. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Though I didn’t agree with Bea about the panic button rule, I still vote for her. I know this place needs a Top Dog, and Bea is a fair one most of the time. She’s anti drug, only uses violence when it’s needed, and has proven herself to have sway over the running of the prison. To scrap the whole system would mean wide-spread drug use, more violence, and someone worse will step up. There always needs to be someone in control of a place like this. And it can’t be the Governor and any of the screws. We need a Top Dog. 

I know the rest of the girls on Kaz’s crew are voting no Top Dog, so I don’t say anything, just wink at Liz as I put my vote in the slot. Now all I can do is wait and see if the women want order, or chaos. 

The next day, the votes are counted, and it’s announced that Bea won. I cheer along with about a quarter of the crowd for our Queen. Of course Kaz makes a big fuss over it, and Bea shouts them all down. “I said that’s enough!” But the chattering still continues as women are thrown off by the turn of events. “Shut up!!!” The chattering dies down and we all turn to look at Bea. “We’re done. I don’t want to hear anymore crap out of anyone hear? It’s over. Now get your asses back to work.” I shoot her a small smile, but she doesn’t return it, and I make a vow to go after my shift in the kitchen cleanup to congratulate her. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m mopping around the intake room, when I happen to catch Kaz’s voice, and start to head towards it, but when I get closer, I hear the Freak’s as well. I stop beside the caging around the intake room, listening to their conversation. 

“Unbelievable how that woman is. Is she insane? Or does she honestly believe we’re that fucking stupid and can’t tell the vote was rigged. No one I talked to said that they had voted for Bea. She has just made her life a living hell.” 

“She needs to be taken down.” The Freak’s calm inflection sends shivers down my spine. Are they thinking of bashing Bea? She has Boomer and Maxine guarding her. That’d just be stupid and suicidal. 

“Forget about it. I got my sentencing today and if I get out, so do my girls. I’m not jeopardizing that.” Kaz walks away, and I can’t believe that I had forgotten that today was Kaz’s sentencing for our assaults. How could I have forgotten something so crucial to both her sentencing, and also all of ours. 

I shake my head, reminding myself that time seems to pass differently here. Plus Bea’s been running through my mind the whole fucking time I’ve been here, but especially in the last couple of days. God that woman is everything to me.


End file.
